Do Your Friends Share Your Financial Values?
April 12, 2010 by Mrs. Frugal
I was catching up on my reading this weekend and came across this quote from Lynn Truong, the Co-Founder of WiseBread.com, in Money Magazine:
“Good money management is a lifestyle. If you surround yourself with people who share the same values, you’re more likely to stay on track.”
While I agree with this quote whole-heartedly, when I examine my circle of friends I find that very few of them share my financial values. While we are very focused on paying off debt and saving, most of our friends still spend what they make on cars and gear. They buy the latest and greatest snowboarding and wakeboarding gear, drive gas-guzzling SUVs, dine out 2-3 times a week. This used to be our lifestyle as well, but we’ve made some drastic changes in the last few years.
And although no one has said anything, I think when they look at our lifestyle now they feel sorry for us, like we’re suffering. And I’m ok with that. I’d rather have the appearance of having less than live paycheck to paycheck like we were.
But back to the quote that spurred my reflection. What do you do when you shift your financial values and find that you’re no longer in sync with your friends? Do you abandon your friends in search of new ones with similar principals? In reality, unless they are a negative influence in your life, no, you don’t dump your friends.
So how do you form a support network of financially like-minded people? Originally I started this blog to hold myself accountable and also share my experiences in hopes that people could learn from the mistakes that I’ve made over the years. But what I’ve found is that I’ve joined a great community of people that have common goals and share the same financial principals. They inspire me to move forward and challenge me to approach my finances and goals creatively and work to achieve more than I thought was possible. That’s why I’m grateful to be part of the Personal Finance blogging community and specifically the Yakezie Group. They’re a generous group that has welcomed me with open arms.
Do your friends share your financial values or have you turned elsewhere for support and motivation?
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Seeing as I work all the time, I don’t make time for friends. The closest friends I have are family. They tend to feel “sorry” for us. I don’t know why, I don’t need to spend money to be happy. We don’t need new cars to be happy. I just don’t get it. My wife and I are the only people with “frugal” values in the families. It’s only because our families had set such poor examples for us growing up that we are upside down now. Oh well, I’m not going to unfriend our family, I just wish they would open their eyes
I agree with you. If you are excepted for who you are with them, perfect!!
Lol! No, you can’t “unfriend” your family!
This is such a hard thing to deal with, especially when people are not relating to what you are doing…. However I think a few years down the line more and more of your friends will be forced into frugality and you will become a goto person for advice… maybe
My friends are a mixed bag but no one lives as cheaply as me.
I would love to have more “money” conversations with my friends. But until then, we’re just doing our thing saving and paying off debt.
Whoa – wakeboarding? Earned some extra credibility with that one!
I could say that this post reflects my same situation. Surrounded by highly intelligent/motivated friends, many of them are almost ignorant on most things financial.
Started this blog to share my own thoughts on the matter, and realizing now how beneficial the community as been in my own growth.
Great post!
I think like Forest said, one day perhaps your friends will look to you for advice or simply as a model for how to do things. I now look back and see a couple friends that were very influential and slowly helped shape my new financial outlook.
And if you saw my wakeboarding I’m sure I’d lose all credibility.
I love wakeboarding but I am a better wakesurfer.
I’m kind of in a similar position with some of my friends. I (well my wife and kids anyway) enjoy the wakeboarding and tubing, snow skiing trips, and eating out. I occasionally give my buddy some money for gas, but that’s about it! I don’t have to prepare or store the boat for winter every year (I live in the N.E. region).
I also have a few friends that have declared bankrupcty a few times. They live in their own reality, but they are still my friends… They won’t change for some reason…
Then finally, I have a few friends that are/were in debt, but they are catching on. After hanging around me and how I view finances, I think they are starting to emulate my financial behaviour! This make me most happy!
I enjoy the Yakezie group too, it’s a great group!
MR – Nice friending! That’s a huge cost savings while still enjoying the fun of a boat. Hope your friend doesn’t read this post
This particular friend of mine is more like a brother to me… We’ve known each other since he was 7…
I’ve been luck with boating, It seems like I’ve always had family or friends that had a boat my entire life…
That’s excellent and I’m sure very rewarding to have a positive impact like that.
And as a boat owner, it’s definitely cheaper and less stressful to have a friend with a boat than to own one.
My friends all have different views on money and they ‘seem’ to have all different amounts. The ones that value material things I just avoid those conversations with them. Just because I don’t share one quality with them doesn’t mean the friendship is dead.
True, better to just avoid the discussion. You know when your financial principals don’t align and most likely wouldn’t be a productive conversation. The friends that have been most influential with me lead by example.
I wrote about this as well a few months back and still have the same problem. That’s why I’ve enjoyed blogging to find a release and like minded people in regards to finance. We’re a rare breed
It doesn’t help being 23 and having the financial perspective of an old man so I’m a closet frugalist most of the time.
That is a hard one to answer for me. In fact, I’ve already tried to answer it three times and keep deleting and starting over. I guess partly it’s difficult because I don’t really have many in real life friends, aside from coworkers and church brethren and sistren. I don’t know anyone that is a complete spendthrift, even my one coworker who doesn’t seem to understand personal finance very well seems to live within her means. I guess the answer would be yes most of my friends share my financial values.
I think it is great to hang on to friends who don’t share your financial values, but it is very tough. Eventually, we tend to gravitate to those who do have like values…at least that is what happened to my wife and me.
Because our church has hosted Financial Peace University a number of times, nearly everyone has taken the course, so we get much of our support through our church family.